Irkans and Ceiling Fans
by TARDIS Time Lord
Summary: Complete and utter crack. The Doctor takes along three teenagers on an adventure in the middle of the night.


**A/N: **This is a product of two in the morning nachos and lots of REPO: The Genetic Opera. The beginning conversations were actual conversations between these three people at midnight.

Please R&R

He is like fire burning through time.

As old as forever, but fast in his prime.

I saw his blue spaceship materialize he looked out and said

'Run for your life.'

He's completely terrifying, but it's oh so exciting.

He said I was 'brilliant' and that 'I could change the world.'

So many places I've been, but there's so much more to see.

We've got galaxies, and planets, and moons….

And an Awful Lot of Running to do.

Three dear friends, LJ, Natalie, and Katie were sitting at home once. It wasn't anything special. LJ was playing Kingdom Hearts 2, Katie talking and giggling, Natalie writing some crack fanfiction with some strange crack pairing. Probably a crossover of some sort of Kuroshitsuji and Kingdom Hearts. Something that wouldn't ever be published on her fanfiction. LJ was leaning heavily on Katie, and they were talking about classic Disney movies and crying about how beautiful it was. Natalie sighed, halting her typing for a second. She interjected into the conversation a little bit.

"It's just because Hayner is all butthurt over Seifer," Katie said, laughing a little bit.

"Whoa, creepy girl," LJ stated, shocked a little bit at Namine's appearance on the screen. "Her outfit looks like a Gentern's." The two others stared at the screen with sudden realization of this revelation.

Natalie spaced out again, turning her attention back to the fanfiction.

"I love that picture. Because Axel is all butt hurt over Roxas." LJ and Natalie started giggling furiously. Their giggling reduced to a smile. "That bottle must have gone through a lot of shit to get to Sora and Riku in the end of the game." Mad giggles ensued with that statement.

"There should be another game just for the bottle," Natalie said, still laughing. "Kingdom Hearts 4, Story of the message in a bottle." They laughed again.

"It would make everybody look at Kingdom Hearts differently. No longer would they be laughing and happy about Kingdom Hearts." Their giggles stopped gradually. Suddenly, the front door—even though it was locked due to the time being 12:58—burst open. All three teenagers leaped up off the couch, their jaws nearly to the floor. The sudden intruding man slammed the door closed once more, leaning on it with all of his weight. He had brown hair that was all sticky-uppy. His mahogany brown eyes looked at them each in turn, Natalie blushing a tiny bit as he did. They seemed to bore into their souls and read their memories under the scrutiny.

"Doctor!" Natalie shouted out. LJ paused Kingdom Hearts with his big toe, and smiled widely. The Doctor looked very confused for a second.

"How do you know my name?" Natalie grinned.

"Well, because of Doctor Who."

"What?"

"No, who," Natalie corrected. Somehow, it didn't faze them that a perfectly imaginary character from an amazing sci-fi show just burst through their door. He seemed like he had just been running which made Natalie immediately think of the Chameleon Circuit song 'An Awful Lot of Running.' Katie giggled happily. "So, anyway, why are you here?"

"Whall, I was running from this alien, and I figured he wouldn't find me in such a… tiny and nondescript place because he was so extremely obsessed with large buildings. It was a strange happenstance indeed." LJ let out a very girlish giggle.

"Well, now that they're gone, could we come with you on the TARDIS?" Katie asked, almost like a small child. The Doctor looked a little bit surprised.

"You guys don't look any older than eighteen. Wouldn't your parents be worried?"

"Well, we can call them and leave them notes and stuff like that. Plus, with the TARDIS being a time machine, that means that we could come back five minutes later and absolutely nothing would've happened in that time and everything would be fine, right?" LJ brought up.

"True. But you don't even know who I am."

"I know you're in the tenth regeneration, you're a Time Lord, you hail from the planet Gallifrey," Natalie said, rocking back and forth a little bit. "TARDIS stands for Time and Relative Dimensions in Space. You had a granddaughter named Susan who travelled with you in your first regeneration. She went to school in 1963 until her two teachers, Barbara and Ian found her going into the TARDIS. Her chameleon circuit is broken, forcing her to constantly be a 1959 blue Police Box. You had a companion in your ninth regeneration named Rose, and she stayed with you until she was torn into a parallel dimension." The Doctor frowned.

"You're too smart for your own good." Natalie giggled.

"I know more Gallifreyan history than United States history. So can we?" The Doctor sighed and ran a hand through his hair, messing it up even more. If that was at all possible.

"Fine." Natalie giggled, and grabbed her iPod, chap stick, and cell phone. "Can we go there now? Well, after we put on our shoes." The Doctor smiled.

"Yeah. Allons y!"

Natalie was trembling with excitement when the Doctor opened the TARDIS door. She couldn't help but to squeal quietly with excitement. A large smile was on her face. She and Katie held hands as they walked inside. All of them were beaming. The TARDIS made a low humming noise. Natalie giggled happily, unable to make her happiness quiet. Giggling, she bounced along up to the console, and examined it closely. "I never thought that I'd actually be in the TARDIS."

"Me too," Katie said happily, giggling again. "I can't wait to soar among the stars." The Doctor rolled his eyes a tiny bit, sighing. What did he get himself into? "Can we change clothes? Because we're kind of sort of in our pajamas, and it'd be great if we could get dressed in normal clothes."

"Sure." He led them to the wardrobe. Natalie squealed again, and hopped up and down in place.

"It's just like in Series 1 episode 14! When you changed from the pajamas to your brown suit!" He grinned, and shook his head slowly. The three teenagers dispersed around the wardrobe, finding new clothes quickly. Natalie admired her clothes in the mirror. She brushed out her medium length ginger hair. She put her hands on her hips. She had a larger chest, bigger than most girls, and mid upper arm length hair. She smiled at her reflection in the mirror, adjusting her long coat that she had picked up. Natalie adjusted her black button down shirt. She tightened her belt that was keeping her black skinny jeans up. She bent, and tied her black high-top Converse. Gently, she fingered a blue dogtag that hung from a chain around her neck. Natalie looked at it. "If you only knew, Elliie." On one side, there were two hearts pierced by an arrow. On the other side, there were 5 simple words. 'COLOR GUARD TIME LORDS FOREVER.' She stood next to the Doctor who was standing by the door. "I started wearing Converse because of you.' The Doctor started laughing. Katie walked over to them, standing next to them as well. She was wearing blue shorts that went down to her knees. Her shirt was very light and a crème color. It was a spaghetti strap. She brushed out her short brown hair, and looked into her blue eyes in the mirror. She looked down at her body, smiling a little bit in a satisfied way. She looked down at her blue and black tennis shoes. She stood next to Natalie, and they hugged each other tightly.

"We're in the TARDIS!" she exclaimed happily.

"We are!" Natalie replied, giggling in delight. LJ walked up, a small smile on his face. He was wearing leather pants and a complex shirt. It was a cut up tank top all the way down to his stomach with a rainbow shirt that was cut off right at the ribs so it showed his stomach and his back. He was wearing knee-high boots. Natalie sighed and rolled her eyes.

"I like boots," LJ said in a small, childish voice. He was swinging from side to side. The Doctor sighed a little bit, and walked out of the room.

They came back to the console room.

"One trip. Just one trip, that's it." Natalie nodded.

"Just like you said to Martha," she said quietly. The Doctor looked at her, and pointed.

"You know way too much. You shouldn't know that!"

"Knowing is half the battle," she said happily. The Doctor smiled.

"I like your way of thinking." She nodded happily.

"So… where are we going?" He shrugged a little bit.

"I don't particularly know. It seems as though you three know what I've gone through my entire life, so how about you choose a place. I haven't let anybody do that in a long time." The three sat there in a confused state. Natalie opened her mouth and closed it a couple of times, seeming like she was on the verge of speaking some words.

"Don't do this to us! We have no idea!" LJ groaned, putting his head in his hands. He groaned a little bit. Katie slapped her thighs and jumped up.

"I know! If The Doctor exists, then the Irkans must exist, right?"

"That race? Really?" The Doctor asked.

"Yes! I want to go there at the time and place of the Great Assigning." He blinked.

"Rassilon, this is insane." The Doctor pinched the bridge of his nose, and sighed again. "Just one trip! Like I said! One trip, that's it. You go back home. To your parents and partners and everything you hold dear." Natalie grinned, and adjusted her shirt once more. She clutched her dog tag.

"Okay. Allons y!"

"Alonso," LJ added directly after Natalie.

The Doctor sighed quietly, frowning. The Doctor pressed a button on the console, and hit something with a hammer. The three teenagers grabbed onto a rail, all three of them giggling madly. "This is amazing!" The Doctor did a double-jointed move where he hit a switch with his foot and banged something again with another hammer that had been hanging off of the console. Natalie couldn't help her large grin that wouldn't come off of her face.

"I get to see him in action! I've always waited for this. For my entire life!" She trembled with excitement once more. He gave them each a quick smile before sending them through time and space. He clutched the material of the console tightly, his weight being thrown around in a scary manner. Suddenly, the TARDIS halted, and everyone was thrown to the floor. Natalie fell atop of The Doctor, and LJ fell atop of her. Katie had fallen somewhere between The Doctor's legs and LJ's stomach. Everyone landed with a loud 'oof.' Natalie hummed with happiness while everyone else recovered. "I hear his two heart beats at one time." She took a deep breath. "And his scent." Everyone stood up except for Natalie. "I can die happily now." She giggled.

"Is she always like this?" The Doctor asked. Katie and LJ nodded.

"When we went to this gathering of Nerds, ComiCon, she couldn't stop clinging to every Doctor that she saw. And at 4 in the morning, she even took a Doctor around a corner and sort of molested him," Katie said with all honesty. LJ sighed.

"She's so weird," the teen boy said quietly. The Doctor laughed.

"She's quite the enigma," The Doctor said, laughing a little bit more. He was very taken aback by these three teenagers who knew so much about him even though they had just met a little over an hour ago. But to him, it seemed like only five minutes. "But anyway, we're here. And we're right outside of the large hall where they're having the Great Assigning. So, if we quietly sneak in then we shouldn't possibly be noticed. At least, that's what I'm hoping. And if we are, we run for our lives back to the TARDIS. Got it?" The three nodded simultaneously, Natalie getting up from the ground—finally.

They slipped outside—Natalie taking a quick second to admire the TARDIS outside as much as she did the inside, and the Doctor soniced the door open. The four slipped inside without a word, and they inched their way through the shadows and closer to the large pedestal that the Tallest were standing on. Loud cheers covered their footsteps as each Invader was announced with grandeur. Well, almost all of them got grandeur. Katie could feel the giggles that were tempting to be released from her chest, but she repressed them before they could turn into audible sound waves that would reverberate the ears of all the Irkans, the two humans next to her, and the Time Lord.

The ceremony passed quickly, and afterwards—when The Doctor was urging to leave—the two tallest walked over to the four others. They looked at them with hard eyes at first.

"Where do you hail from? I've always wanted to say that," the purple Tallest said with a laugh.

"I'm The Doctor. These are my companions. We hail from Earth, Gallifrey, and the Shadow Proclamation." He smiled. The Irkans plan was universe domination, of which if they accomplished, they'd be completely and utterly ruining time and the laws. "So under the Shadow Proclamation, I order you to stop this right now, or else the Judoon and myself will descend upon you." Katie was staring at the two in absolute admiration. Natalie was giggling quietly, standing on The Doctor's right side, close to him like LJ was close to her. She saw the Doctor work his magic on the Tallest. They blinked.

"No one can stop us!" The red tallest said, thrusting his arm in the air, and pointing towards the very tall and purple ceiling. The Doctor frowned a little bit.

"I promise, you do not wish to do this." The look that came over the Doctor's face was both frightening and comforting. At least, it was to the three humans. It made them feel safe, as though there was a protector watching over them. Natalie sighed happily, knowing that Earth was protected.

"Fine. We won't. But its only because of the Judoon." The two Tallest grumbled, and went up into their rooms to call back all of the Invaders and call off universe dominance all together.

Inside the TARDIS, Natalie giggled and sat on the Pilot's chair. She hummed happily, not sounding unlike the TARDIS. Katie and LJ sat next to her, leaning on both of her shoulders.

"That was cool."

"Like I said; one trip. Now it's back home." They sighed for a second, sighing quietly.

"Fine," LJ said, crossing his arms. They were flung through time and space once more, until they were five minutes away from the time that the Doctor had burst through the door. The ceiling started rumbling and not with the TARDIS dematerializing. The Doctor was still standing in the living room, and with no one driving it, it was highly doubtful that the Time Machine would take off without her owner.

Suddenly, the ceiling fans detached from the ceiling, headed right towards them. All four of them ducked down to the floor, pressing close. Or else, they would've been completely obliterated by the spinning blades that were threatening to administer death. LJ couldn't help but giggle at the fact that his strange story came true. It was a dark night once when he was lying in bed. Suddenly, he just started to wonder about ceiling fans that came off from the ceiling and headed to Washington DC and all of the other ceiling fans heard about this on the news and they tried to take over the world. He rolled his eyes a tiny bit. No way that could ever happen. It was just a story, correct? Then again, Doctor Who was just a show. TARDISes weren't supposed to exist. Nor were Irkans. But they did. And they had met them. So now… this? Well, it was very plausible. And it was also 1:03 in the morning. Exactly five minutes. The Doctor slowly rose from the carpet, dusting himself off in a gentle way. LJ turned on the Tv. Gods, those news stations were fast. They're already reported the ceiling fans on their way to Washington D.C., which was quite a ways off. So that means that they were travelling fast. The Doctor whipped out his glasses, placing them on his face. Natalie giggled happily again.

"So, Theta, how are we going to stop this?" The Doctor froze for a second.

"How do you know that name?" Natalie had covered her mouth, quite embarrassed that she had angered him and let his nickname from The Academy slip out of her mouth.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything. It just slipped out." The Doctor straightened a little bit.

"Just, don't use that again." Natalie nodded solemnly.

"Okay. M'sorry." He nodded slightly. LJ giggled, watching the scene on the TV as five different ceiling fans hurled themselves towards the capital.

"These are silly times," Katie said.

"But very serious," The Doctor responded, pushing the glasses higher upon his nose. Natalie bit his lip, suddenly excited. The Doctor ran out of the house, followed by the three teens.

He ran into the nearest hardware store, and started to gather supplies for some form of strange machine. He was smiling the entire time, and each of the teenagers knew that he was having a ball. While there was a small delay in the three teenagers' mind as to what the Doctor was thinking. The manager started yelling at them for not being paid. The Doctor looked behind him.

"Sorry! Saving the world!" Katie and LJ giggled.

Once in the TARDIS, he hurled them through space to Washington D.C. He set them outside the White House, and stepped outside with the three of them.

"Thought you said one trip, Doctor," Natalie reminded him of it.

"Well, you see, this is your own time. So it's not really a trip. Besides, I'm kind of stuck with you three." He looked at all of them each in turn and their outlandish, garish outfits. He sighed. With Katie in dark blue and cream, Natalie in all black, and LJ in leather and rainbows they stuck out from the secret service that had just arrived on scene.

"Who are you?" they asked in very official voices.

"The Doctor, and these are my companions."

"ID?" He rolled his eyes, taking out the psychic paper, and flashing it. Natalie giggled in delight.

"Yeah. That paper is cool," she said happily. She did a little excited clap, giggling a little bit more.

The secret service—knowing the alien could be the help for the human race—led him and the three to the oval office, where the President was located. The Doctor smiled goofily at the man who was sitting there in his robe and pajamas.

"Hello, Mr. President." Natalie, LJ, and Katie bowed their heads silently. The Doctor smiled. _This is cool, _LJ thought happily. Obama smiled at them.

"I'd appreciate not being woken up at one in the morning." The Doctor laughed.

"Time waits for no one. Not even me." Obama laughed. It shocked the three the relaxed relationship that the Doctor and The president had. "But anyway, down to business." The Doctor whipped out his Sonic Screwdriver, scanning the direction of which the Ceiling Fans would be coming from. "They're too far away for us to tell where the signal controlling them is coming from. But I theorize it is somewhere in the sky. Possibly… no, I don't think so. It might just be a crazy random happenstance."

The Doctor ran outside, and started to instruct the three to assist in the creation of the strange contraption. The Doctor cracked his knuckles, and smiled a little bit at the finished product. He grinned wildly and stretched his arms up high. He flipped a switch and… nothing happened. Absolutely nothing. No moan, no hum, no whirring noise… nothing. The Doctor made a sound of annoyance, and started working on it once more. He heard the sound of buffeting air, as if, suspended in midair, it sounded like a hundred thousand ceiling fans all coming for them at once. And they were. It was an extremely trippy experience, the loudness of the airs. The loudness of all of their lives flashing before their eyes in a split second. Katie yelled out her twin sister's name, a solitary tear leaking out of her eye. They were getting closer to them, the noise getting louder. LJ cried out his mother and his boyfriend's name, dropping to his knees. They were only twenty feet away. Chaos was everywhere it seemed, surrounding them. Giving them no comfort. Natalie dropped to the ground, screaming out her father's name and The Doctor's academy nickname. The Doctor stood his ground, unable to fall in this time of need. All of this happened within a couple of seconds. All they acknowledged was the clear night sky above them. The simple image of the full moon on a blanket of near black, more like purple but sort of a dark blue. They all gasped loudly in what they thought would be their very last breath. All of the memories of all four of their lives were in their eyes and in their minds.

"I DON'T WANT TO GO!" The Doctor shouted loudly, his hands clenching into fists. Suddenly, everything stopped. The buffeting stopped. Everything… froze. It seemed as though time was suspended in midair and if you even breathed, the spell would be broken.

Time did resume its course—of course. Everything returned to normal, it seemed. The Doctor looked around. The three teenagers slowly got up. Around them were piles and piles of wood and ceiling fans. They crawled out of the wreckage, dirtying their clothes as they went. Once out, they adjusted their clothes. The three teens cheered loudly, hugging each other. And each in turn, they hugged the Doctor tightly. In her excitement, Natalie pulled The Doctor's head down and kissed him fully on the lips. Caught in the moment, he kissed back. Katie and LJ just stood there, awkwardly. The Time Lord and human were separated by the sudden fire of the fans. Obama was now in a suit, and he shook all of their hands. A smile was on his face.

"The United States of America thanks you four. What are your names?"

"Natalie."

"LJ."

"Katie." They each introduced themselves in turn, shaking his hand.

"I wish to give each of you a medal." The Doctor put his hands up.

"No thanks. Maybe for these three, I can give you their full names." He scribbled them down on a piece of paper, and gave it to the President.

"How am I supposed to explain this?" They all blinked.

"We'll… leave it up to you." The Doctor smiled, and unlocked the door to the TARDIS. They all slipped inside, and soon it dematerialized. In the console room, they all smiled at each other.

The three of them all hugged the Doctor tightly in the living room on LJ's house. After, they hugged him again, one after another. Natalie was the last, and she kissed him again. He laughed the kind of awkward laugh people make after they had been kissed and they don't particularly know what to do.

"Can I have your tie?" she asked boldly, noticing that it was the one that he would wear when he would regenerate into his eleventh body. He blinked. "I mean, I assume you have two of them." She fell silent, and ruffled his hair for a second, running her hands through it. "I'm sorry, I'm in love with you. I have been since I saw you on the show." He laughed. "And I just want some form of memento." He sighed a little bit, and thrust his hand into his coat pocket.

"I don't think I'd ever do this in the show, but it isn't something that I have ever done." He handed her a silver piece of equipment with what appeared to be a blue light on the end. "I can make another, and I remember when I didn't have one anyways. So, here. Remember me in this regeneration. But don't do anything stupid with it." She smiled, and jumped onto The Doctor, hugging him tightly.

"Thank you!" she exclaimed. "And I won't do anything wrong with it, I promise. I'll just mess around with it to know all of the settings. Because I know the ones you use in the show, but I don't think that those are the only ones out there." She kissed him again, and giggled. "Thank you, Doctor. You really are the Lonely God and the Oncoming Storm. He slowly walked over to the TARDIS, and disappeared. They sat on the couch, cuddled up to each other once more.

"We still have the clothes," Katie noticed.

"We do."

They awoke the next morning, rolling out of bed or couch or wherever they had slept that night. They each made a bowl of Trix cereal, making jokes about how Trix is a drug…. Something like that. They heard a deep humming noise in the quiet and ran outside. A large blue box was sitting there. Natalie clutched her Sonic Screwdriver in her hand.

"I hope he doesn't ask for it back." The other two laugh quietly. The Doctor—still in his tenth regeneration—popped his head out.

"Hey. I said only one trip, but how about another one? And then another after that? You guys grew on me." They all laughed, and pointed to the house.

"We need clothes." The Doctor grinned madly.

"There's a wardrobe."

**A/N: **THIS IS MADNESS! Madness? THIS IS SPARTA! Right when I about to type about ceiling fans. Why would the homeless need a midget? –Somebody from The New Guy Answer from Katie's twin, Jackie: _So they can have midget-mime company =D_


End file.
